- Infertility is not directly caused by stress. You need to understand that at the start, because getting tense and guilty about being tense is probably the least beneficial thing you could do! Even though tension may affect your fertility negatively it is not responsible for all infertility.
- But tension could make infertility worse. When you’re tense your libido is decreased and you are not as able to nurture significant relationships, so you’re less likely to have sex and less likely to have a baby. If you eat too much when you’re tense you’re apt to put on extra weight which can also affect your fertility badly.
- Infertility may cause stress. Dealing with infertility is stressful. Infertility strikes directly at the center of our masculine or feminine identities. There are many emotions connected with infertility: anger, disappointment, shame – and many others. As the period of infertility lengthens, the stress is likely to rise, and as anxiety increases, infertility is likely to get worse – it’s a no-win situation and you need to find a way to interrupt it.
- Relaxing and thinking positively is no guarantee of pregnancy. I’m sure you’ve heard all the stories of couples conceiving soon after adopting, or while on holiday. You’ve probably had quite a few advisors encouraging you just to relax, to quit trying too hard, or to picture yourself being pregnant. As great as these things are, they are definitely no guarantee of pregnancy. Reducing tension will benefit you psychologically and physically, but it is by no means the complete.
- Finance is a big stress factor. It is hard to know that fertility treatment is generally only available to those who can afford it. Even with insurance or if you are personally rich, finance will continually be a difficulty.
- The treatment itself can be traumatic. Fertility treatment is emotionally and psychologically stressful as you have a variety of medical professionals prodding and fiddling about where the sun don’t usually shine. Needles, inseminations, scans and surgery all play their part – they could be uncomfortable, awkward or embarrassing. The numerous examinations, treatments and tests necessary may also by physically stressful and possibly even painful and all of this could increase stress.
- Medication may make anxiety worse. Certain hormonal medications can cause moodiness, which can make intimate relationships even more challenging!
- friends and relatives: make or break! Relatives and friends might be a great help, but they can also be a source of stress. They could make thoughtless comments out of lack of knowledge. Realizing that they have good intentions will help.
- Anxiety affects your relationship too. If you have to diarize intercourse to make sure you do the baby dance on the appropriate day, at the appropriate time and in the correct position it can be demanding as it becomes a state of ‘we have to have sex’as opposed to ‘we get to have sex’. One of the best bits of advice I’ve ever received is to think of ourselves as a team facing problems together, rather than taking your stress out on your partner.
- The waiting game is perhaps the most stressful of all. First, you wait to get pregnant, then you have to wait for a doctor’s appointment, then you wait for test results, after that you wait for treatment, and then for more results, and then for your menses not to happen, and when it does do it all again. Waiting is quite a challenge as you experience extremes of emotion from the heights of hope to the pits of misery.
- Work is stressful enough as it is. Your co-workers could be considerate for the first couple of months but if your struggle with infertility goes for a while it could become more stressful as you attempt to keep your emotions out of view and keep going with what you have to do. You may need to take work home with you or work overtime to be allowed to take time off for doctor’s appointments. Aim to keep your colleagues up to date so they can see how best to support you.
- Not being in control is stressful. You can only control so much – and it may be stressful to realize how little that really is.
- Choice. Those who cope best with challenges are those who realize that although they may not be able to pick their circumstances, they can decide how they let their situations affect them. Aim not to give infertility control over every part of your life – you had a life before infertility – aim to get some of that life back.
Here is more information on Infertility Stress. Here is a website with a free mini-course dedicated to Infertility.